Flooded Purple

Everything always too much and not enough. Can't tell if I am
ruminating too much or subtext lurking around every conversation is
really there. With all my self-doubt, sure, maybe I am just
overreacting to some small comment or awkward look. Then again… I
don't want to assume I am not doing or saying something wrong
either.

Too stuck in my own head to notice what's right in front of me. Or at
least I assume there must be something there… damned if I do and
damned if I don't. Just awkward, weird, and messy. Like everything
always was before. But you already know that.

Of course, of course, nothing new to say. Nothing new to
think. Nothing interesting going on over here. Another day, another
week, stressed and feeling stupid. All part of the learning process,
right? If only I didn't keep making the same mistakes.

Yet, here I am, trying to think of something to write. Trying to keep
the dream of doing both the art and the engineering up. As if I could
do either one competently even if I was only focused on the one. As if
I am not still distracted by every other irrelevant thing.