Stone Bridge At Night

We smoke seaweed to get real high
And the current tide drags me far away
Out to the deeps, leaves me here to stay
And I know I'm better off there
– Jesse Stewart, Siren's Call

I met this guy working at that place with the stuff and the books and
things. We drove a uhual and stocked shelves. Cool guy. Always taking
long breaks and getting the boss man frustrated. Some things needed
both of us to carry. So sometimes I had no choice but to wait
too. Didn't care enough to try and push him to work more. Just did
what I could on my own.

We didn't talk to each other that much on the job, but did some. We
hung out a couple times. Still used that car back then so must've been
before the dooey. Not sure of the chronology of the times we hung
out. Think the first time was when we drove around looking for the
bars.

He wanted to go pick up xanies from a guy he knew, offered to let me
go in on it too. I went for a couple bars. They were smalls, like 2
mg, I think. Always heard about the xanies, and wanted to try
them. Anxiolytic sounded like lots of fun. Something to make the feels
less feely.

Drove down an alley in a part of Torrance that was kinda surprising to
me. Drove by that street all the time, never went down that way for
some reason. Used to drive all over the place with 'friends', just
wandering around and such. Never went there though. Picked up the
baggie. Got the bars. Drove some place else to chill for a bit. Popped
a pill.

Coworker man warned me to not take the whole bar. Said that stuffs
pretty strong if you're not use to it. I expected that bar to be a lot
but I didn't expect to black out off of one. Coworker man said later
that while I was out, apparently I took the other bar too. Also put
out a couple cigarettes on my hand. One on the back and one on the
palm. That surprised me. I usually only put them out on the back of
my hand. I think that was only time I actually used my palm.

The last time we hung out, or what I think was the last time… he
wanted to go pick up a lady friend to hang out with. Only just occurred
to me that he was dating someone else at the time. She said it was the
last night before she was being put in rehab so she wanted to go out
with a bang.

But first we needed supplies. We went to a drug store. There was no
discussion before hand. I didn't know what was going on. As soon as we
got in the store, they just immediately split up in different
directions. I was just trying to figure out where they were. Then all
of a sudden he grabs my shoulder and waves. We leave, hop in the car,
and drive. They grabbed foil, a lighter, index cards, and a phone
charger.

The charger was just for his phone. His battery was dying. He put an
address in the map and directed me to go to some apartment. Think it
was somewhere in Gardena. When we got there, she jumped out and said
she'd be back soon as she can.

About an hour later, she knocks on the car window. I unlock the
car. He pulls out the foil and waves the lighter across the shinnier
side. She opens up the pack of index cards and rolls up one into a
tooter, as she called it. Once he's done prepping the base, she pulls
out a little baggie with some brownish stuff. They put some on the
foil, use the lighter on the foil to heat up the stuff indirectly, and
then use the tooter to inhale.

They took a bunch of hits between the two of them and then passed me
the foil. As she passed it to me, she said something about how that's
really bad stuff and I shouldn't take it. I said I know. She asked if
I really wanted to take it. I said no, and I took it. He told me to
take a big hit and hold it in as long as I can. I coughed like crazy
after. My throat had a cool numb feeling.

I felt like I was floating through a cloud. I became aware of the
space between my molecules and the cool air floating in between. The
image of flying through the air came to mind. Not quite a
hallucination, not quite a lucid dream. The clouds float by, I float
through the clouds, the clouds float through me… and the memory of
who or even what I am just drifts…

I took the needle out of my arm about a year ago today
And everyday since then I've been taking the needle out of my brain
So when I'm staring down at my hands I can't explain
Just what it is that I'm thinking of
Except thank God that all my veins have to pump is my blood
– Pat the Bunny, First Song, Part 2